Under stress our old “go to” modes of operation are so easy to slide back into, and most times, this is not coming from our highest selves. Holiday events provide many opportunities for these slip ups to occur, and can leave us wondering whose idea was it to serve drama for dessert, and why???
Any celebration or holiday, during any season, or times we are thrown together with people from our past, can draw people into reacting in ways they used to; ways that may not be who they are now. Family tends to remember us in a certain way, and we remain forever stuck in time in their minds and memories. Many of these impressions are from a time long gone, and do not take into account, or recognize the growth that we have acquired along the way. This makes it hard to be able to show them who we really are, and frustrations can run high. Even if we have now chosen a life in which we have consciously decided how we want to act in this world instead of reacting to things as they are flung at us, being thrown backward in time, so to speak, can challenge any of our good intentions of finally showing them who we are.
Or, maybe it is us who have illusions of how we perceive others within our families, and we need to be open to what they have changed in their lives, and who they are now. It works both ways.
When we forget who we are, and who others are, we can become enmeshed in drama. Granted, there are those in this world who seem to thrive on it, who create it wherever they go. It is hard to be around these people for long, for the type of scenario they create is draining to be around for any length of time. It drains you of your energy, and can also be quite frustrating. When this occurs, and you recognize it as drama, it is important to remember that
Drama comes from insecurity.
Excitement comes from passion!
Say it again, to yourself. Can you feel the difference? One is very positive; the other feels draining, like “here we go again!” When someone feels a need to create drama in their lives, and in the lives of those around them, it comes from a place of deep insecurity; a place of not being enough, having enough, or not getting enough attention. Their world and everything in it must revolve around them and their issues. Their deepest fear is that if they don’t create these dramatic situations, everyone will leave them. No one will want to be around them if they don’t have something in their lives that looks like they need help, or something that needs “fixing”. It gets old, and hard to keep dealing with day after day, time after time.
We were not created to live like this.
Life can be joyful and fun! Sure, we all have some stressful times, but we were created to be able to deal with them and move forward with joy, happiness, and excitement for living the life we have been given!
So, what can you do?
The first step is to recognize a situation or a person for what is really going on. We can become so used to someone’s theatrics that we just accept it as “them”, and allow it to keep affecting our lives or holidays. Remember, excitement comes from passion, which is a very wonderful, positive feeling. If what you are experiencing doesn’t feel positive or excited, chances are you may have a full blown drama going on.
The next important thing to realize is that you have choices. You can choose to participate in the drama they are creating, or you can choose to stay out of it and watch. Here, you are letting their stuff, be their stuff, so to speak. You are not being drawn in. From this vantage point, it is amazing what you can see that may never have occurred to you before! It may be hard to do the first time, but gets easier the more you do it. You may find that over time the drama decreases, or it may seem to because you are no longer affected by it. It is wonderful!
Another choice may be to talk to the individual about what it is that makes them so determined to create the drama in the first place. They may not realize they are doing it! Yes, I know this seems hard to believe, but they can become so absorbed in their “stories” that they don’t see the forest for the trees, so to speak. It is a blind spot in their vision of themselves. You may be able to gently point it out, and let them know there is help available if they need it. Sometimes just having it pointed out can be such an eye opening experience that they are able to control it and finally change it.
There are times in each of our lives that we feel insecure, out of our element or out of our league. This is normal human emotion which we all experience from time to time, and it is not our typical way of feeling or being. You may notice it when you are over tired, learning new things, or stepping out on your own in a new direction. You quietly notice it, and work through it until you return to balance- without drama being involved in the process. You recognize those times as periods of growth, move through them, and then keep traveling forward on your journey. You gain confidence and much knowledge about yourself during these times-all without the outward expression of drama being added to everyone’s lives. (Ok- sometimes there is a little drama- or it feels like it, but this is not a strong personality trait for you, and you are able to release it and move on.)
Drama, like stress, is harmful to our health over extended periods of time. The more we are around people like this, the more it affects our health. Any time you are in a gathering of friends and family, I invite you to be aware of what you are feeling, and choose the experiences that make you happy, peaceful, and excited! Let go of things in your life that no longer serve you, or never did! Grab onto your passion and enjoy your life! Leave the drama for the movies!
Blessings to you all,
*There are places to get help if you need it. You are not alone.